When Narcissistic Abuse Happens to You
In life, you are bound to meet people who betray your trust. It may be a relationship you expected more from, or a person you’ve been involved with or held out for a long time. After numerous disappointments, you may find yourself exhausted or tapped out emotionally from all the energy and time you’ve put into the relationship with little to no return. If you have a good and open heart and decided to unwittingly trust someone not worthy of your love and respect you it's possible to get very hurt. Sometimes the pain and abandonment that comes from the neglect or unmet expectations and needs in these relationships can result in the trauma of abandonment or bring up old feelings of abandonment. In this circumstance, you may be experiencing the effects of narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse is similar in its body effects to post traumatic stress disorder. Rather than being trauma related to a single incident narcissistic abuse may be more complex and related to pain and abandonment experienced from a person or caregiver in an abusive or neglectful relationship.
Boundaries for Narcissists
Everyone deserves a chance. But unless the person you're involved with recognizes a need to change they won't do this. People change for themselves not others. One way to recognize these folks is that everyone in their family is the same toxic way and they are truly incapable of resolving conflict in a healthy manner. Or they may find it difficult to think and make decisions that don't involve you. Narcissistic people have tumultuous lives rooted in trauma and feeling sorry for them is inappropriate because they need professional help.... How’s that for today's wisdom tidbit? If you are experiencing narcissistic abuse in the form of being ignored or someone’s extreme self-focus it may be necessary to separate and create firm boundaries with them.
Sometimes you must draw a line in the sand. Sometimes people may hate you for all the good things you are and blame their problems on you and try and get away with it because you let them. They love you only when you agree with their illusions. Don't do it. Don't let yourself be blamed for other people's mistakes. Low IQ and FASD, along with BPD and NPD are rampant in our population with about 15-20 percent experiencing symptoms.
Don't care for people who don't openly care about you or are not capable of empathy and who will just pretend to get something from you. Some people are fickle and will try and destroy the good you are because of how someone else let them down. They will hate you for the love you show them because it reminds them of their bad choices or failed relationships
Begin with Recognizing your Needs
Love yourself first. Then you can let go of the drama and the rejection they put out to hook you into their manipulations. You must let go of some when they don't respond to compassion and mercy...justice or accountability. Necessary pain can move people out of the self-pity and blame to take responsibility for their actions when they hurt others.
Some people are not capable of acknowledging how their actions may affect other people. Some even don't want to pay for consequences of their criminal behavior because they think the world somehow owes them something. Understanding some people doesn't mean you accept their abusive and treacherous behaviors. Accepting such behavior isn't being spiritual or self-actualized.... those concepts are for your own self-healing. If they want those things they must do the work also. People only heal when they accept responsibility for their actions and desire change. Love without reciprocity, accountability or consequence is just another form of enabling-someone else's satisfaction at the cost of your well-being.
When in such situations, it’s important to surround yourself with people who care about you. Self-care involves taking one’s needs and shifting them towards relationships and situations that bring health and vitality to you. This begins with surround with positive people and resisting the tendency to self-isolate. When one experiences neglectful relationships this can be due to narcissistic abuse from people who are too self-focused with their own troubles. The inability to identify and demonstrate empathy with others when involved with these individuals must do with a need to focus the energy into their own psychological defense that are happening for them at the time.
Seek Professional Help for Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic Abuse is common with families who have experienced a family relationship with someone with an addiction or a personality disorder. Thinking and feelings become high-jacked with substance misuse as person becomes increasingly dependent on the substance. Narcissistic abuse may also occur during the difficult transition of divorce, separation or family dissolution where co-partners may be overwhelmed with coping with loss, or struggle to maintain the integrity of their feelings and thinking. If you are experiencing this, it will be necessary for you to find healthier sources for empathy and care. There are family support groups for people experiencing this heart-break such as Alanon. It may also be helpful to seek the support of a qualified therapist to assist you through this painful process. There are specific tools to addressing this when you are experiencing abandonment. There are also treatment options to stabilize the symptoms you may be experiencing from narcissistic trauma such as memories of recurrent trauma or abusive persons, codependency, anxiety, depression and/or physiological symptoms such as hyperarousal, or recurring fight, fight or freeze responses, and even maladaptive methods to manage symptoms which may lead to substance abuse. Seek professional help immediately and begin your road to recovery today.